Monday, February 22, 2010

Bars Strive To Keep Patrons Drunk And Deaf

Bars Strive To Keep Patrons Drunk And Deaf

Everyone knows one or two bars that are designed to make conversation impossible. The combination of that blaring music and a lighting scheme that can only be described as cave-vogue make the possibility of actually connecting to a fellow human being slim to nil. What is left to do in a place like that but drink until the sun comes up? New research suggests that the relationship between the volume and tempo of music and the amount of alcohol one will consume.

We have previously reported that science proved that binge drinkers are also health nuts, but this is truly a breakthrough in the spirit-related sciences. A

new study “discovered that the louder and more up tempo the music being played at a watering hole, the more alcohol barflies are likely to consume.” Yet unknown are the results on the tests to determine the increased possibility of a questionable sexual encounter in relation to the relative dank-ness of a particular establishment. We will save the scientific community the legwork required and just tell them, based on many nights of our own “research” that the answer to that question is a big, sad yes.